Tips on Dealing with the Terrorists

1. Try to fit in. A little ululating goes a long way.
2. Ask your aunt or granny to knit you a colorful shoulder strap for your AK-47. You'll not only make the terrorists proud of you, but you'll be more comfortable as well.
3. If you see a bomb underneath the seat of a plane or subway car, don't try to detonate it. Your rush to impress may really throw off their maximum kill timing.
4. Ask suspected terrorists for autographs. It will be flattering for them and an enriching new hobby for you.
5. If you must travel, leave the carry-on baggage at home. Instead bring all that personal baggage and share it with your fellow travellers. Suicides, after all, are not victims of terror.
6. Try to predict not only the main terrorist plots, but the underlying subplots. Following the more subtle strings will make the act more interesting and, who knows, you may just learn a little something about yourself in the process.
7. Know what they know. Research in depth the specifics of fringe religious groups, advanced bomb building techniques and government corruption. After all, knowledge is power and knowing is half the battle.
8. Change your identity. If they randomly pick victims out of a phonebook and land on your name, they won't know where to find you because you'll be a ghost.
9. Purchase a giant spotlight and a cut-out of a bat. Superheroes are not just for mayors any more.
10. Call yourself an atheist, but pray to every freakin' god you can think of. Somebody's gotta be right, and wouldn't you rather be on their side?