re-jogs

Because I'm about as creative as a hat full of socks (and because I've received such positive reviews from Ain't It Cool News), I thought I would bring back an old favorite with a new twist.

Piccup Lighnz fer Gurls

Are these Bugle Boy jeans I'm wearing?

I swear I'm not a real hobbit.

Burp my baby for a minute, I gotta go get my diaper bag.

They may not be real, but they're inflatable.

My left areola has baseball stitching.

You're so wonderful, you make me think of Jesus.

I'll be the one to handwash your manly underthings.

My provocative dancing is symbolic. My yogi taught me that.

My ex told me that I was an excellent cuddler.

All of my cats would just love you!

You see my friend over there? Well she thinks you look like gay, but I'm not buying it.

You can touch but you can't look.

I make great low-fat lasagna.

I feel like 5th base is more like 1st.

Would you like to buy me a drink? Of blood?

Tell me something interesting about you. My friends and I are running out of things to laugh at.

Your big strong arms almost completely distract me from your feeble bird legs.

I love a man who's not afraid to tuck in his sweatshirts.

My flowers have all been plucked, but feel free to take a tug at the weeds.

I don't dress this way because I'm a slut; I'm just desperate and codependent.

You look like a man with a yellow sports car.

It's such a lucky coincidence to meet you here! I'm almost never here on Tuesday nights after 11:30.

Sweet! I didn't know it was country music karaoke night!

Does that bulge in your pants mean you're happy to see me, or are you just herniating?

I'd do anything for schnapps.