health and wellness

I have been noticing recently that the internet news blips routinely offer suggestions for healthy living (e.g. coffee is good for you, cut down on yogurt, coffee is bad for you). I have really learned a lot. Here, I will share my wisdom with the zero of you who care.

Tips for Healthy Living

1. Gorging on rooster meat will not only cleanse your colon, but will fill you with sexual vigor.
2. Bending forward increases overall blood flow while offering that rare chance to inspect your trousers for signs of your victim's blood spatter.
3. Fighting visigoths not only improves muscle tone and accelerates skin regeneration, it promotes a feeling of oneness with Rome.
4. Babies have excellent immune systems, speedy growth rates and soft skin. Eat more babies.
5. Many animals are covered with thick fur, providing natural warmth and defense. Lather yourself generously with products sold via special tv offers as a form of mimicry.
6. Tennis and golf may provide some cardiovascular exercise, but for the proper workout, engage in activities such as cage-fighting, plowing and chemical warfare.
7. Smoking crack does not have to be hard work. Make it more exciting by listening to the radio or by utilizing the buddy system.
8. The getaway car is lazy man's burglary. Hoof it and feel the calories burn off.
9. Mud baths, skin peels and unguents may improve the overall look and feel of your skin, but there is nothing like nitric acid to remove those unsightly moles and blemishes.
10. A glass of red wine with dinner has been shown to help the heart function better. Just think what 30 glasses would do.
11. Fudge, fudge and more fudge.